What He Thinks (WHT), What She Thinks (WST)- The Elevator Extrapolation

Scenario:  A man exiting an elevator in an office building and a beautiful woman, entering the same elevator, silently mouths the word “hi” and smiles at him as they pass each other.


Part 1: The walk-by

WHT: She’s totally into me. Do I know her?  

WST: Isn’t that John from accounting?   I wonder if he remembers that time he sent my paycheck to the wrong address and it took me three weeks to get paid?  I was so pissed at him.  Did he grow a beard?  It’s kind of hot.  Should I say Hi?  I hate him.

*They walk past each other*

WST : Oh crap, this isn’t John at all.  Why oh why don’t I get my eyes checked? Oh crap, it’s that creep, Steve from IT….but I have to say hi, because he is in IT and you have to be nice to IT people so they will come running when you have a computer problem….maybe I should throw a little flirt in?  Just to…wait, no, then he will cyber-stalk me. Oh crap, my lips already started to move…oh SHIT!, why am I smiling! what have I done??  I hope he doesn’t recognize me…I hope he doesn’t recognize me…oh god, I can  feel his eyes drilling holes into my ass…gotta push the button. *turns around* yep, there it is.  Take a nice long look. *smiles awkwardly at him*

WHT: She’s totally into me. 

Elapsed time:1 second

Part 2: As the doors close

WST: Creep. Thank God these elevator doors will close before he can take that total miscue and jump back in… Think happy thoughts…think happy thoughts…Kittens!” *smiles*  Now let’s see, after work today I need to stop at the grocery store and pick up lettuce, tomato, green onions, hamburger…gosh, will these doors ever close?  Is he really still staring at me??  Oh, and I can’t forget to call mom, and hmm, I wonder if my blue shoes will go with that black dress I bought yesterday *contemplates 311 factorial arrangement of clothes and shoes

*doors close*

Oh thank god, they finally closed!  These doors need a stalker button that closes the doors instantly….

Elapsed time: 3 seconds


Part 3, 20 minutes later:  After thoughts.

WHT: She was totally into me.  I should have made some excuse and jumped back in the elevator….

WST: What should I have for lunch?